You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
