There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
