I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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