and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
