I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
