Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
