i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
