My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
