Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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