oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
