I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
