I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
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