I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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