This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
