oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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