We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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