I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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