I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
