Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
