My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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