I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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