These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
