Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think your dad took our porno
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
