You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
