i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
