I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
