i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
