so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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