4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
