i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
