You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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