Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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