Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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