I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She bit a glass in half.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
