Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
