After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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