I hate your face
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
