I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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