I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
