So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
