so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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