I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
