I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
