I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
