There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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