Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
