My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
