my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
