Welp...herpes.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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