This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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