You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
