I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
