this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
