I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
