i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
