plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my shit smells like andre
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
