So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
