cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
and you fell through a lawn chair
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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