the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's the barista slut.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
