I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
