Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
