the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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