this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
