i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
