maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
