i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
