watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am midnight drunk by noon
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
