sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
