R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so explain again why im purple
no
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
