just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We have so much sex to catch up on
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
