Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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