well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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