marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize