billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
