She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
