its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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