Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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